My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
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