pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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