the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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