I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
