My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
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