I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
