Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Randomize
