phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
