it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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