im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
