You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
then he tried to convert me to islam
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
