non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
