Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
