I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
