I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
