Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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