I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
