i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
