The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
