You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
