i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
