Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
