just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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