First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
