Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
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