Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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