It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
