Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
