There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
