I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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