Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
