Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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