the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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