I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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