why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
