at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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