I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
