My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
