Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
time to smoke my breakfast
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
