i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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