rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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