i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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