my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
