Screwed.edu
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
40s are totally the cure
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Randomize
