How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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