I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
