Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
