You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
two words...techno handjob
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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