I'm so fucking centered right now
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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