i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
