Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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