You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I think I won the penis lottery.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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