just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
