I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
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